Do I blog?

I went to Church today.  That is an entry in itself!!  But not what this is about.

Connecting with the awesome members afterwards was a joy and delight, uplifting and motivating.  I was discussing my business (if you could even call it that, these days) with a business coach (as you do) and he asked me if I blog.

My answer was, “Yes!  Well, at least, I used to.  I actually sat down a few nights ago to read back over my blog and I actually inspired myself!”

I used to really enjoy writing and sharing snippets of my creative process and life.  What happened?  Why did I stop blogging?  Why has my business flagged to almost a standstill since we’ve lived in Hobart?

One of my closest friends (who is a painter and writer) was asked last year what inspired her.  Her answer was love.  What inspires me?  I immediately think: flowers, music, sunshine.  And those things do.  But what I think really inspires and motivates me is connection and community!   And I have lacked that since moving to Hobart!!   I have become a curbside school Mum.  I have become a bit of a hermit, finding that I enjoy being alone in my garden more than just about anything.  I have been avoidant of online connections, creative or otherwise. I’ve become an intensely private person and I don’t know why.  Though now I have typed that, I have a better understanding of why (abusive, isolating, crazy-making relationship – but that’s another story that won’t be told here).

I realised last week that I don’t really do anything worthwhile. Sure, I am trying my best to raise two sensational young women, can grow a stunning broccoli or cosmos.

I know how to prune a rose bush and cook an mean Indian curry from scratch, without a recipe and sell a pair of shoes to a woman with the daftest feet.  But what else?  Nothing.  I waste endless hours each week doing what?  Nothing.  Absolutely nothing, except feeling free and a bit blissful, joyous and reasonably content.  But there’s that constant stab of lack there.

It’s time to step up.  Do it different. Be solid.  I’m not talking about blogging, but living my life and how I show up.  Do more, be more, stop being mediocre because that is NOT what I was put on earth to be.