I’ve been on the most incredible, insightful journey over the past few months.
In early December I called off my impending wedding to D. Largely due to our relationship not being in a fit state to make a greater commitment and realising we were going down that path for all the wrong reasons.
Putting the wedding indefinitely on hold forced us to dig deeper and search for personal truth. For me to even go through this process meant I had to stop using alcohol to hide from my feelings and what was really happening in my life. This was the only way I could plug in my brain and remain focused on what I needed, what was and wasn’t right, what could be changed and what couldn’t.
After weeks of soul-searching and long talks, our ultimate realisation was this: we were both waiting for the other to become who we needed them to be.
And so, we separated over the weekend. Telling the girls was heartbreaking. It may feel right for us as individuals, but it feels very wrong for them. Kids are resilient though, and ultimately we know they will benefit from having happy, genuine parents who are living their lives just how they want and need to. Lily (nearly 10) has already commented on how much happier I seem.
Am I afraid of being a single mama? Not at all. My amazing Mum raised her three daughters by herself and I am wise enough to know that I wouldn’t be who I am now if our lives were different. I wouldn’t change a thing about my childhood or the person I have grown into.
Many of you know I started on the journey of motherhood by myself, and that D and I separated in 2007 for 8 months. It’s never easy going into every day knowing that it’s all up to you, but it is not impossible. You just get on with it.