7 of the bad

Inspired by lovely Ilja in her blog post: “the bad stuff”…

It’s so true what Ilja says about putting our best foot forward. Online (and so often in real life) we present a polished version of ourselves, not often admitting to our failures, and when we do, filtering it to a select group of people… those who are probably least likely to judge, those who know us better than the rest.

Having said that… have you seen the image getting around Facebook? “May your life someday be as awesome as you pretend it is on Facebook.” Sure there are lots of people who *are* pretending, but then there are people like me who don’t post every mood swing, fight with their partner or difficulty in life for all to see. I’m a positive person and the last thing I want is for people I care about to feel miserable for me, or because my FB wall is a train wreck.

So I’m not here all bloody night, I’m going to limit my flaws to just 7 :)

1. This one most of my readers (I do have a few, right..? ;) know that I’m highly anxious, highly stressed and sometimes prone to panic – not in the loud, freaking out kinda way, but quietly and nobody ever knows. I know that my perfectionism is tied into that – a good thing for my work, but not when I expect it in others.

2. Because of the above, I can be a really bad Mum, yelling, screaming, having tantrums when I don’t have absolute control of a situation. I have fits of anger, sometimes to the point of rage, that are completely unjustified. (see below)

3. I love to drink. I lie on the doctors sheets about how much/often. Definitely more than 1 standard drink per day. I try to make a big effort to go during the week without drinking but as my partner also likes to drink, I don’t always get from Sunday to Friday without my fair share of several bottles of wine.

4. I smoke. That’s like the evil of all evils these days, isn’t it? I justify this by rolling my own because it’s ‘cooler’ and ‘better’. I don’t *always* smoke, though. I took it up early this year after having given up for 2 years. the time before, I didn’t smoke for 3 years. and I know I’ll stop again and most likely take it up again someday.

5. I think I cook better food than most restaurants and can be very ‘uppity’ when I’m served something ‘out’ that isn’t cooked properly or tastes bad.

6. I’m a bit of a neat freak. My military partner wouldn’t agree: I don’t keep the house to his supposed standards. Though not as sparkly CLEAN as it could be (I can’t reach all the cobwebs!), but most mothers walk into my home and ask why it’s so clean. And I don’t clean because I’m expecting them. I clean after the visitors leave because their kids muck up my floors :)

This is where *I* get very judgemental. I think it’s fine to “let things go” a bit when you have a newborn and for a while after. but years of having a “lived in” place that is never tidied or clean is plain lazy as far as I’m concerned. I don’t bust my nut to keep the place tidy but I DO ask the kids to tidy their rooms a few times a week, tidy up after activities (sometimes takes me days, but it happens!), and generally help me around the house. Every day, I spend five minutes here or there on ‘work breaks’, doing bits and pieces. I don’t find it a huge effort at all and don’t understand why other people do (aside from depression sufferers – but that’s a different story).

It should be noted that this does not mean I don’t like messy people! I know my clean tendencies are tied in with my anxiety and stress, and knowing I can’t function in chaos.

7. I think I am a bit crazy and often spend hours online diagnosing myself with this or that mental illness. I have ever seen anybody professionally – they might lock me up! :)

I think that might do!! :)

Warts n all! :)

Advertisement

Posted by monsoonsandmangoes on 13 December 2011

http://monsoonsandmangoes.wordpress.com/2011/12/13/7-of-the-bad/