On mothering…

I’ve been a mother for almost ten years now, and still most days feel like struggle-town. Not all the time: of course there are countless golden moments. But, I so often I think, I’m just not cut out for this!! why does it have to be so damn HARD??

Maybe if I’d had some professional help or real support when #1 was tiny (I was a single mum), maybe I would have adjusted better. Maybe if I’d had my kids earlier (I was 28 when first was born), and I wasn’t so set in my free, peaceful ways, maybe if I hadn’t read so much conflicting advice online, maybe, maybe… maybe I’d be less anxious, stressed…

My doc was quite concerned about me when #1 was 5mo… she diagnosed me with Generalised Anxiety Disorder and tried to tell me, “everything you’re doing is GOOD ENOUGH” I didn’t believe her as I was SO hell-bent on being a perfect mother, drawing on the many (conflicting) parenting resources. Drove myself NUTS. In the end I stopped reading and parented instinctively.

I’m not perfect, and every day I see ways I could be better. But I’m not turning myself in knots, trying to model myself on what somebody else says is right.

Good enough IS good enough.

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7 Comments

  1. I love you Nikki…your honesty has struck a major cord in my heart, I hear you and understand…really i do, thanks xxxx

    Reply
  2. shari

     /  2 November 2011

    GREAT last line Nikki. Good for you for coming to that realization. I think so many mums feel this way. Myself included. We do our best. Imagine if our kids said to us “But I’m not good enough at being a kid. I’m not perfe t!” we would tell them that they have to try their best and THAT is good enough. Same with parenting :)
    xo

    Reply
    • When my girls say they “can’t” do something, I always tell them that ‘practice makes perfect’. I guess we just keep getting better at muddling through, don’t we :)
      xx

      Reply
  3. marisha

     /  2 November 2011

    I dont think you are alone with you thought’s Nikki,The constant worry whether we a doing a good job is something we all feel I think.As my mum and beautiful Nanny always say,”its better to be a over-protective mother than one that never worries at all”.A fantastic book the Boy’s neo-natal paediatrician told me to get,when they were babie’s “Buddhism for Mother’s” By Sarah Napthali(you may have heard of it)is FANTASTIC its a differant parenting book its all about caring for us mum’s,check it out.I am sure you are doing a wonderful job,the fact that you have these thoughts is evidence of that I think.

    Reply
  4. It sure is tough sometimes this mothering gig, I need to constantly remind myself as well that good enough is good enough. Perfection is elusive. As for having a nearly 10 yr old, well I feel you on that one! Fairy wishes and butterfly kisses to you lovely, I think you are doing an awesome job

    Reply

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